阿梅把最后一只碗放進(jìn)消毒柜時,墻上的掛鐘剛好指向十一點(diǎn)。客廳里傳來丈夫張偉翻報紙的沙沙聲,結(jié)婚七年,他們已經(jīng)習(xí)慣了這樣的沉默 —— 她在廚房忙碌,他在沙發(fā)上看手機(jī),像住在同一屋檐下的室友。
他們的冷漠是從什么時候開始的呢?或許是那次她發(fā)燒到 39 度,給他打電話時,他只淡淡說 “讓同事送你去醫(yī)院”;又或許是她升職那天,興高采烈地準(zhǔn)備了一桌菜,他卻對著電視里的球賽目不斜視。
上個月阿梅母親摔斷了腿,她請假去醫(yī)院陪護(hù),張偉只在第一天露了個面,放下水果就說公司有事要忙。夜里她在病房走廊給家里打電話,想聽聽他的聲音,聽筒里卻傳來游戲的廝殺聲。
最讓她心寒的是上周暴雨,她被困在地鐵站,打了五遍電話都沒人接。后來才知道,他在家敷著面膜看韓劇,手機(jī)調(diào)成了靜音。“多大點(diǎn)事,至于一直打電話嗎?” 他輕描淡寫的語氣,比窗外的雨水更讓她冰冷。
昨晚阿梅整理衣柜,發(fā)現(xiàn)張偉的西裝口袋里有張音樂會門票,日期是他們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日。她想起自己提前半個月就訂好了餐廳,他卻說那天要加班。“跟客戶應(yīng)酬,推不掉。” 他解釋時眼神閃爍,手指不自覺地摩挲著門票邊緣。
今晨她在他的公文包夾層里,發(fā)現(xiàn)了張電影票根,是她念叨了很久想看的那部文藝片,座位是情侶座,旁邊的票根被撕掉了。陽臺上晾著件陌生的女士風(fēng)衣,香水味甜得發(fā)膩,不是她慣用的木質(zhì)香調(diào)。
阿梅坐在空蕩蕩的廚房,看著消毒柜里亮著的綠燈,忽然想起剛結(jié)婚時,張偉總搶著洗碗,說 “洗潔精傷手”;想起她隨口說喜歡向日葵,他就在陽臺種滿了花;想起他們擠在出租屋里吃火鍋,霧氣模糊了眼鏡,卻擋不住眼里的笑意。
原來婚姻里最可怕的不是爭吵,而是冷漠。爭吵至少還帶著在乎,而冷漠是連架都懶得吵,是把對方的喜怒哀樂都隔絕在自己的世界之外。就像他們現(xiàn)在的家,明明燈光明亮,卻比深夜的樓道更讓人感到孤獨(dú)。
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她拿出手機(jī),給張偉發(fā)了條信息:“我們談?wù)劙伞!?發(fā)送成功的提示彈出時,陽光剛好照在餐桌中央,那里還放著兩只并排放置的馬克杯,只是很久沒有一起冒過熱氣了。
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