收到一位讀者的私信，她說：

“我和他剛確認戀愛關系不久，我確定我們是相互喜歡的。

但不知道為什么，和他在一起時，我總怕自己說錯話、做錯事；

平時和朋友一起，我其實挺開朗的，但一面對他，就變得拘謹、放不開；

每次約會一起逛街，一起吃飯，不但沒覺得放松，反而更累了。”

我回復她：“如果你在一個人面前總是這樣拘謹，放不開，不自在，那可能說明，你們真的不合適。”

真正的合適，是相處不累。好的關系，應該是讓人舒服的。

和真正合拍的朋友在一起，你可以毫無顧忌地大笑，不怕被嘲笑；

和真正愛你的人相處，你可以做最真實的自己，不用刻意討好。

如果一段關系讓你長期感到緊繃、壓抑，那不是你的問題，而是這段關系本身就有問題。

02

為什么你會在他面前放不開？

原因有很多，可能你們本身就不是一類人，三觀不同，興趣愛好也不同，之所以相互喜歡，只是欣賞對方的某個閃光點。一旦深入交往，問題就顯現出來了。

你說喜歡旅行，他覺得是浪費錢；

你想聊電影和藝術，他只關心工作和賺錢。

當兩個人的思維方式、生活態度差異太大時，就會產生一種無形的隔閡。你不敢隨意表達，因為你知道，他很難真正理解你。

此外，有些人自帶一種“壓迫感”——

你穿什么衣服，他會評價；

你說什么話，他會糾正；

你做什么決定，他會質疑。

長期處于被審視的狀態下，人自然會變得拘謹，甚至自我懷疑。

還有，你們的關系可能不平等。

比如，你總是單方面遷就他，總是擔心他不高興，而他卻從不在意你的感受；在他面前，你總覺得自己“不夠好”……

如果是這樣，那這段關系就是不健康的。

真正的平等關系，應該是互相尊重、彼此放松的。

03

不合適的關系，消耗的是你的能量。

和錯的人在一起，最可怕的不是爭吵，而是無聲的消耗——

你會越來越懷疑自己：“是不是我太敏感了？”“是不是我做得不夠好？”

你會漸漸失去自信，甚至開始迎合對方，隱藏真實的自己。

好的關系滋養你，壞的關系消耗你。

如果不知道如何判斷一段關系該不該繼續，就問自己幾個問題：

和他在一起時，你是更自在，還是更緊張？

這段關系讓你變得更自信，還是更自卑？

如果未來幾十年都要這樣相處，你愿意嗎？

如果你的答案偏向負面，那或許該考慮——這個人是否真的適合你？

余生很長，要和讓你舒服的人在一起。

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https://www.junansuyun.com/weapp/show.php/219188.html
https://www.junansuyun.com/weapp/show.php/656830.html
https://www.junansuyun.com/weapp/show.php/353600.html

https://www.junansuyun.com/weapp/show.php/274089.html

人生已經夠難了，何必再讓自己困在一段壓抑的關系里？

和真正合適的人在一起，你會感到輕松、自在，甚至忘記時間的流逝；

你會自然而然地做自己，不需要刻意討好，也不必擔心被否定。

愛情、友情、親情，皆是如此。

04

如果你在一個人面前總是——

拘謹、放不開、不自在……

那不是你的問題，而是你們不合適。

愿你能遇到那個——

讓你敢于做自己、相處不累的人。

畢竟，一輩子不長，和誰在一起最舒服，就和誰在一起，別把光陰浪費在讓你緊繃的關系里。