我們心知肚明，真正的成年是一種內在成長的過程，可能比我們獲得正式成年人身份要晚很多年。即使我們活到30歲，也可能還在還在努力成長為心智成熟的人。

　　阿蘭德波頓創辦的生命學院，發表了一篇名為“WHEN DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY MATURE? 26 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY”的文章，列出了判斷一個人心智是否健全，人格是否成熟的標志，幾乎每一條小酷都很認同，伙伴們也可以對照一下自己認同幾條，自檢一下你在心智上到底算不算一個成熟人類：

　　一、

　　You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety–rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting.

　　你意識到很多人做出不好的行為，不是我們通常所輕易認定的惡毒或愚蠢，而是因為內心的恐懼與焦慮，意識到這點之后，你就不會覺得世界非黑即白，也不再執著于自己，總是對的，時間久了，你會發現生活有趣多了。

　　二、

　　You learn to be confident not by realising that you're great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We're all making it up as we go along, and that's fine.

　　你學會自信，并非因為自認為有多么了不起，而是意識到，每個人其實都像你一樣，有著愚蠢、恐懼與迷茫的時刻。我們都在摸索中前行，這很正常。

　　三、

　　You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn't put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion.

　　你學會了不再用他人的錯誤懲罰自己。你原諒你的父母，因為你意識到他們并非為了傷害你而將你帶到這個世界。他們只是自己也有一堆麻煩要解決，已經自顧不暇。憤怒過后，你更多的是對他們產生了憐憫與同情。

　　四、

　　You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don't store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you'll be dead soon. You don't expect others to know what's wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don't, in a different way, you forgive them too.

　　你不再慪氣。若有人傷害了你，你不會讓怨恨與傷痛在心中盤桓數日。你提醒自己，生命短暫，無須期待他人洞悉你的感受。你直接告訴他們，若他們理解了，你便寬恕;若不理解，你以另一種方式寬恕。

　　五、

　　You realise that because life is so very short, it's extremely important that you to try to say what you really mean, focus on what you really want, and tell those you care about that they matter immensely to you. Probably every day.

　　你意識到生命的短暫，因此，你努力表達自己的真實想法，專注于內心所求，并向所關心的人表達他們對你有多么重要。這或許會成為你每天的必修課。

　　六、

　　You learn that you are–rather surprisingly–quite a difficult person to live with. You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge.

　　在親密關系中，你意識到自己其實也是個難相處的人，你摒棄了自己的多愁善感。在開始一段友情或戀愛前，嘗試開誠布公的告訴對方自己在什么時候會變得比較難搞。

　　七、

　　You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion. You accept that we all have our regressive moments–and when the inner two year old you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need.

　　你明白，成熟的一部分，是與內心那些永遠如孩童般固執的部分和解。你不再每逢場合都刻意表現得成熟。你接受，我們都有幼稚的時候——當內心的那個兩歲小孩探出頭來時，你會大方地迎接他，給予他所需的關注。

　　八、

　　What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realise the minds of others are muddled places and you don't try so hard to polish your image in everyone else's eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you. You give up on fame and start to rely on love.

　　你不再過分在意他人對你的看法。你意識到，他人的想法紛繁復雜，你無須費盡心機地在每個人眼中塑造完美形象。重要的是，你和一兩個人能接受真實的你。你放棄了追逐名聲，開始依賴愛。

　　九、

　　You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake, you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it–without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever a problem.

　　你開始更好地聽取反饋。你不再輕易認為批評你的人是在羞辱你或犯了錯誤，而是接受，或許真該聽聽他們的意見。你開始明白，你可以聽取批評并安然無恙——無須穿上盔甲，否認問題的存在。

　　十、

　　You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events–and learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics. You realise–sometimes–not to go with your feelings.

　　你意識到自己的過去的經歷如何影響了你現在對事情的反應，并學會彌補內心因此產生的情緒。你接受因為童年的經歷，你在某些方面容易夸大其詞，對某些話題的第一反應持懷疑態度。你明白了有時不能跟著感覺走。

　　我挑選了這篇文章中十個令我印象深刻的觀點，為了便于大家理解，我整理了中英文兩個版本，減少語言間的誤差。如果你暫時還無法認同的話，我期待你可以收藏它，在你日后的人生當中不斷回過頭來看看，我相信它一定會給你帶來很多不一樣的感受